Saying goodbye to someone who is dying: how do you do that?

Warren James
6 Min Read

Spending the last hours with a loved one who is dying is an emotionally tough moment. As a surviving relative, you know that someone doesn’t have much time left to live and that you will really have to say goodbye for the last time. Saying goodbye to someone who is dying is something you want to do well for both yourself and the dying person. But how do you do that? It is sometimes difficult to estimate what is and is not pleasant for a dying person and what you can expect. That is why we give you a number of tips that can help you.

Take physical contact into account

Saying goodbye to someone who is dying is difficult for both you and the person who is dying. When life is almost over, it can happen that your loved one has less need for physical contact. That’s because dying people turn in when they don’t have much time left to live. They also prepare mentally for death. That is why it is good to ask whether the person still wants someone to hold their hand, for example. If he or she would rather not have it, that says nothing about the bond between the bereaved and the dying. The person probably experiences more peace, but the feelings for the loved ones do not change as a result.

For the dying person, this is his or her way of saying goodbye to life. A distance is thus formed mentally and physically. This causes sadness, but you can also consider it as the moment when the awareness of death begins to penetrate.

Saying goodbye to someone who is dying? Allow the person to rest.

When the person returns, he or she probably wants to do it in peace. The dying person is going through a tough process, both physically and mentally. You can best help your loved one towards the death process by creating a calm atmosphere. Make sure there aren’t too many people in the dying room. Beyonce Reaches Out To Kobe Bryant’s Queens In Emotional Tribute That Features The Basketball Star And Daughter Gianna. You must also ensure that you do not give the patient too many stimuli. With stimuli you can think of stimuli for the senses, so avoid loud music or strong scented flowers, for example. If there are strong emotions or strong smells, limit them as much as possible. The senses of your loved one also continue to do their work unconsciously.

Get help from professionals

Saying goodbye to someone who is about to die can sometimes lead to uncertainty. Because what exactly does the dying person want? That is sometimes difficult to estimate. Someone who is dying may have difficulty making clear what he or she wants in those last hours. To alleviate suffering, people are often given medication that is sleep-inducing or pain-relieving. If it is no longer possible to understand the dying person, you can also see whether it is an option to involve a (family) doctor. After all, this person knows the medical background of the person who doesn’t have much time left to live and can sometimes give tips on what to do and what not to do.

Set up a fixed point of contact

Another way to remove uncertainty is to appoint a permanent person during the dying process. Because someone remains involved from start to finish, uncertainty can be taken away from the other loved ones towards the end. This person can then, for example, answer questions or pass on the last wishes to the rest. This way you create an atmosphere of tranquility because you remove ambiguities. In addition, he or she can form a fixed point of contact when a doctor is present.

Accept it if someone would rather die alone

You probably want to be with your loved one the moment he or she takes the last breath. Because of this you sometimes get stuck to the bed for hours. Now it can happen that when everyone just leaves the room, your loved one dies. For many people this will give you a feeling of sadness. You may also feel guilty because you think you should not have left the person. In that case, try to understand that it was just as difficult for the deceased to say goodbye as for you. Your loved one probably made this decision consciously and found it easier to let go when he or she was alone. Let this penetrate you, it may also reduce guilt. Will you continue to have difficulty with it for a longer period? Then talk to a mourning coach.

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Warren James is the lead editor for Diving Daily. Warren has written for many publications including the New York Daily News, Vanity Fair and Yahoo. Warren is based in New York city and covers issues affecting local communities. In addition to following the day-to-day life of the Big Apple, Warren also has a passion for martial arts.