There are a few different things that can happen when someone grows up in a household where they are constantly expected to please others. The first and most common is that the person will learn to please others at all costs. They will do whatever it takes to make sure that everyone is happy, even if it means sacrificing their own needs and happiness. This can be incredibly damaging and lead to many long-term emotional struggles. Take a look at this guide to learn more about fawning and why the act is an internal trauma response.
What is Fawning?
Fawning is a term used to describe excessive or insincere admiration, flattery, or eagerness to please. It can also refer to an act of sexual submission or conquest. Someone who fawns may be trying to gain favor with a person of greater power or influence, or they may simply be trying to get attention. Fawning can be seen as sycophantic behavior and is often considered a sign of insecurity or lack of self-confidence.
Why am I a People-Pleaser?
People-pleasing is a common defense mechanism that people use to avoid conflict or criticism. It can be very adaptive in certain situations, but for people with trauma histories, it can become a maladaptive coping mechanism that does more harm than good. There can be many reasons why someone might become a people-pleaser. For some, it might be a way to avoid conflict or confrontation. For others, it might be a way to seek validation or approval from others. And for others still, it might be a way to avoid feeling judged or criticized.
No matter what the reason, though, people-pleasing can be very harmful. It can lead to resentment, frustration, and even depression. It can also lead to a lot of stress and anxiety, as we constantly worry about what others might think of us. If you find that you are a people-pleaser, it’s important to take some time to reflect on why that is. What is driving you to please others at all costs? Once you have a better understanding of why you do it, you can start to work on changing it.
What are the Drawbacks of Fawning?
One drawback is that a fawner may never learn to please anyone. They may grow up believing that it’s not worth trying to make anyone happy because they will just disappoint them anyway. Another thing that can happen is that the person will learn to please others, but only on their own terms. They will ensure they are always in control and never put in a situation where they might disappoint someone. This can also be damaging in its own way, as it can lead to a lot of emotional isolation. No matter what response someone has to grow up in a people-pleasing household, it can be incredibly damaging and can have a lasting impact on their life. It’s important to seek out help if you feel like you’ve been affected by this type of trauma. There are a lot of great therapists out there who can help you work through your issues and learn how to live a happy and fulfilling life.
How can I Avoid Being a People-Pleaser?
There are a few ways to avoid being a people-pleaser. The first is to become more aware of your own values. What are the things that are important to you? What do you want for your own life? Once you understand what you want and what you stand for, you can begin to make decisions based on those values rather than what you think others want from you. The second step is to stand up for yourself. If you disagree with something or don’t want to do something, say so. Don’t be afraid to communicate your needs and wants. And, if someone tries to pressure you into doing something you don’t want to, be assertive and stand your ground.
The third step is to build healthy relationships. This involves being honest and authentic with the people in your life. It also means being supportive and understanding towards the people in your life. When you have healthy relationships, there is less pressure to please others. The final step is to let go of the need for approval. This can be difficult, but it’s important to remember that you are not defined by what others think of you. You are the only one who can control your own happiness. So, don’t let the opinions of others dictate how you live your life.
Fawning is a trauma response that can be challenging to fix, but it’s not impossible. If you’re exhibiting signs of people-pleasing, you may want to reach out to your loved ones or a therapist for not feeling down specializing in trauma responses.
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